Relationship problems… we all run into them.
But the question is…
Do you know how to solve them?
The fact is there are predictable relationship problems that come up for people in their personal and business lives. Until you identify the relationship problems, you won’t be able to overcome them.
So, I’m going to walk you through 7 relationship problems and how to solve them.
#1 YOU ARE HEARING… NOT LISTENING
Listening is different from hearing. Your ability to listen will influence your ability to develop relationships. It will also affect your ability to ask questions effectively and gather information.
Most people spend their time pretending to pay attention. You may listen to the first half of what someone says… BUT you are focused on what to say next. You may begin to talk and literally forget that you are supposed to be listening.
To listen, you must give the speaker your undivided attention. This is called active listening. It means listening not just for the words, but for the meaning behind the words. By developing your listening skills… you will see improvement in your relationship efforts.
Active listening begins with you giving encouraging body signals and expressions… then, you ask questions to gain deeper insight.
Becoming a good listener requires practice, patience, and a genuine interest in other people.
#2 YOU USE ANGER AS A MASK
If you are not able or willing to express your emotions… you may use anger as a mask to keep from feeling deeply.
Somehow you’ve gotten the idea that feelings are negative… OR they are a sign of weakness. In your mind, anger seems powerful. Expressing sadness or even joy appears weak. It may feel dangerous. The anger becomes so much a part of you that it feels safe.
Your anger acts as a barrier between you and the rest of the world. It might protect you from pain, but it also prevents you from experiencing joy, peace, and love. It protects you from living life to the fullest.
What would happen if you let go of your anger? If your goal is to improve your relationships, then anger is no longer serving you.
And hey… you might find yourself fully alive, in love with life, and experiencing the richness of intimacy.
#3 VICTIM MENTALITY
When you are angry… you will tend to feel like a victim.
If you continue to be a victim and stay in a victim mentality… you will continue to live in the past.
Victims want attention. They like to tell victim stories. What it means is you’ve created an identity of being a victim. It means you’ll attract relationships to fulfill your victim identity.
Rather than being a victim, learn to be present in the moment. Stop blaming others and take responsibility for your role in the situation. Taking responsibility gives you power. Resist self-sabotage. Don’t indulge in feeling like you don’t deserve joy, love, or success.
The key here is to forgive and let go of the past.
#4 ANGRY GIVING
The angry giver says yes to everything. People with this relationship problem can’t or won’t say NO to anything.
I would call them a “yes-aholic.”
They are addicted to giving and serving. These people spend much of their time doing things for others—and for people they don’t like.
They like to rescue others. They gravitate to individuals who require “fixing.”
In spite of all they do for others, these people never feel recognized and rewarded fairly. They feel resentful because no one recognizes them for their contributions.
They give to the point of exhaustion, and then end up full of self-pity. The result is drama and conflict in relationships because of how slighted they feel.
By over-giving, overcommitting, and overdoing… other areas of angry givers’ lives fall apart. They refuse to delegate tasks to others out of a sense of perfectionism.
Angry givers become overwhelmed by their obligations. They end up neglecting other important areas of their life.
So what’s the solution?
Stop seeking approval.
Learn to approve of yourself.
Work on your self-esteem.
Put yourself first.
Learn to give for the joy of giving. Expect nothing in return.
#5 REACTING INSTEAD OF RESPONDING
First things first… why do you tend to react instead of respond?
Many people who react are addicted to controlling an outcome. They live in an overwhelmed state of consciousness. When your body gets triggered into fight-or-flight, you are more likely to react instead of respond.
Your body and mind will revert to a past event. You will say something you wish you hadn’t. You might shut down and not say what you are feeling. You withhold your feelings and then lash out from resentment.
When you’re a reactor, you’re going to react to the stimulus based on the events that shaped your feelings. As you commit to the process of letting go, your body will respond differently to the stimulus.
You can begin wiring a new brain. The neurons that wire and fire no longer have a shelf life. You no longer feel the way you felt.
As you have a better understanding of why do you do, your body will align with your brain. And you become one with. You’re not the mind-body connection to the events that keep you reacting.
Your relationships will improve when you can respond in a relaxed body.
The biggest co-dependency issue is the need to control. Control is force. Force requires a counterforce. In a business or personal relationship, there can be no force.
So what’s the solution?
Become the opposite of controlling.
Learn to allow.
That means you allow people to go through the learning process. You allow people to make their own mistakes. You allow them to take responsibility for their failures. You allow them to take responsibility for their breakthrough process.
In business, you want to energize and assist people to move forward. Your role is to be a guide or a coach. Remember, the coach can’t play the game for the team. The same can be said for your personal relationships. You can’t live someone else’s life.
Instead of rescuing people, empower them. Offer the tools to raise their skills, habits, and mindset if they are open.
And most importantly… let go of control!
# 7 POOR SELF-TALK
Whether you’re single, married, a business owner, or an employee… being able to articulate your ideas and feelings clearly and honestly is an important skill.
However, the most important person you communicate with is YOU.
Self-talk is the way you communicate with yourself. If you have relationship problems with yourself, you will have relationship problems with others.
Take a moment and think about how you communicate with yourself.
• Do you get frustrated with yourself?
• Do you judge yourself?
• Can you receive a compliment?
• Do you feel unworthy?
• Do you deserve success?
Your unconscious mind does not separate fact from fiction. It will do what you train it to do. That’s the way it’s been conditioned.
Your insecurities will attract relationship problems. If you lack respect for yourself, then it’s likely you will attract the same treatment from others.
It doesn’t matter how promising situations look at the outset. You’ll end up disappointed… Again.
So how do you change your self-talk?
You uncover the events in your life that are the cause. You understand why you do what you do. You begin to understand why your self-talk is the way it is.
DRUM ROLL PLEASE.
Begin to let go of limiting thoughts and doubts. Release the past. When you do this, you will upgrade your self-talk. This will become a powerful habit.
Just watch the new patterns emerge in your life!
Solving Relationship Problems
If you haven’t figured it out by now… relationship problems are a part of life. So what’s the real answer to solving them? Instead of living in the problem, focus on the solution.
With great communication, relationship problems are addressed in the early stages. Relationship problems are solved by being proactive. Don’t let a problem fester beyond repair.
Address the challenges as they come.
In fact… don’t let it get to the point of it being a “problem.”
Here’s the recipe.
Release the past.
Live in the NOW.